Thursday, January 16, 2014

My New Years quasi-resolution

My new year didn't exactly begin as I hoped. It started with a yelling match between Gabe and I. A power struggle over the Freetime setting on his Kindle.

Why couldn't I just let him play the apps for an unlimited amount of time?  Why did I make reading for 15 minutes mandatory before the apps were unlocked?  Why did I put limits on his electronics use?  It wasn't fair. It wasn't nice.

And then the age old statement said by every youngster - I wish I was big so I could do whatever I want. 

I hurt hearing all his frustration with me.  Knowing that I was causing all this heartache by standing in his way, in the way of his happiness, made me feel like the worst kind of monster.  But I stood my ground.  

I tried to explain to him that I am being the best parent I can by putting limits on his electronic use, by making him "unplug" and rejoin society. That as his parent, my job is to make him the best he can be and playing an unlimited amount of time on an electronic device is not helping him to learn in all aspects of life. 

It didn't matter what I said. Everything came back to, "I just want to be grown up already."  

And that hurt me the worst. 

I am probably the only person who on New Year's Eve was hoping for a miracle and it would just stay 2013. 

2014 is bringing a lot of change, and while 2013 also brought some adjustments, I am not quite ready for another emotional and physical shake up. 

This year I turn 30 years old. I have been dreading it since before I turned 29.  30 means you have your life figured out. 30 means you are getting old. I am not ready to be 30. I am not looking forward to this milestone. 

This year my first baby turns 8 years old. And while that is not a milestone in itself, the fact that there are only 10 years left until he graduates high school leaves me speechless. 10 years?  That's all I have left before he is officially an adult?  10 years is like a blink of an eye.

This year my second baby, my child that wakes up every morning, seeks me out and hugs me, turns 4 and will start preschool in the Fall. Preschool?  No more hugs after nap. No more bargaining for food at lunch?  No more stampeding around the house with his guns a blazing?  Wait, what?

I don't even want to talk about my baby baby turning 3 and how she already talks in full sentences.  How she is almost as tall as Zander and just as fiercely independent.  How she puts on her own boots and hat, grabs her purse and her Chapstick and tells me she's leaving and good bye while I am left standing there knowing that the real life leaving part is soon a reality.

Please Time, couldn't you just slow down?  For me?  Just a little?

Since I am, if nothing else, a realist and know in my head that all this growing is necessary (Boo!  Hiss!), my resolution to enjoy what time I do have with them. I realize how morbid this sounds, and I don't mean it to (honestly), but with each year passing faster and faster, I am fully understanding now how important it is to spend that quality time together.

So.  With that being said, you might not see me on here very often. The problem with this blog is the actual sitting down and typing out the posts. If I could just have a direct line from my brain to this, then it would be fine. 

But as for now, I will be building more puzzles, making volcanos with baking soda and vinegar, helping my helpers make muffins and granola, putting together a pinewood derby car, and mostly, I will be living with my soon-to-be-grown-up children. 

And enjoying every single second, including the fights.

Sidenote: We are discovering how many awesome classic movies Amazon Prime has and I am so excited that they are starting to enjoy musicals!  Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is our go-to family movie and it completely rocks their world.

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