My New Years quasi-resolution

My new year didn't exactly begin as I hoped. It started with a yelling match between Gabe and I. A power struggle over the Freetime setting on his Kindle.

Why couldn't I just let him play the apps for an unlimited amount of time?  Why did I make reading for 15 minutes mandatory before the apps were unlocked?  Why did I put limits on his electronics use?  It wasn't fair. It wasn't nice.

And then the age old statement said by every youngster - I wish I was big so I could do whatever I want. 

I hurt hearing all his frustration with me.  Knowing that I was causing all this heartache by standing in his way, in the way of his happiness, made me feel like the worst kind of monster.  But I stood my ground.  

I tried to explain to him that I am being the best parent I can by putting limits on his electronic use, by making him "unplug" and rejoin society. That as his parent, my job is to make him the best he can be and playing an unlimited amount of time on an electronic device is not helping him to learn in all aspects of life. 

It didn't matter what I said. Everything came back to, "I just want to be grown up already."  

And that hurt me the worst. 

I am probably the only person who on New Year's Eve was hoping for a miracle and it would just stay 2013. 

2014 is bringing a lot of change, and while 2013 also brought some adjustments, I am not quite ready for another emotional and physical shake up. 

This year I turn 30 years old. I have been dreading it since before I turned 29.  30 means you have your life figured out. 30 means you are getting old. I am not ready to be 30. I am not looking forward to this milestone. 

This year my first baby turns 8 years old. And while that is not a milestone in itself, the fact that there are only 10 years left until he graduates high school leaves me speechless. 10 years?  That's all I have left before he is officially an adult?  10 years is like a blink of an eye.

This year my second baby, my child that wakes up every morning, seeks me out and hugs me, turns 4 and will start preschool in the Fall. Preschool?  No more hugs after nap. No more bargaining for food at lunch?  No more stampeding around the house with his guns a blazing?  Wait, what?

I don't even want to talk about my baby baby turning 3 and how she already talks in full sentences.  How she is almost as tall as Zander and just as fiercely independent.  How she puts on her own boots and hat, grabs her purse and her Chapstick and tells me she's leaving and good bye while I am left standing there knowing that the real life leaving part is soon a reality.

Please Time, couldn't you just slow down?  For me?  Just a little?

Since I am, if nothing else, a realist and know in my head that all this growing is necessary (Boo!  Hiss!), my resolution to enjoy what time I do have with them. I realize how morbid this sounds, and I don't mean it to (honestly), but with each year passing faster and faster, I am fully understanding now how important it is to spend that quality time together.

So.  With that being said, you might not see me on here very often. The problem with this blog is the actual sitting down and typing out the posts. If I could just have a direct line from my brain to this, then it would be fine. 

But as for now, I will be building more puzzles, making volcanos with baking soda and vinegar, helping my helpers make muffins and granola, putting together a pinewood derby car, and mostly, I will be living with my soon-to-be-grown-up children. 

And enjoying every single second, including the fights.

Sidenote: We are discovering how many awesome classic movies Amazon Prime has and I am so excited that they are starting to enjoy musicals!  Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is our go-to family movie and it completely rocks their world.

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Shopping in Mom's pantry

   One of my kids favorite things to do at any children's museum is play in the house and grocery section.  There you have empty boxes and cans of "real food" and lots of things to play with.  I recently started letting the kids explore our pantry and dry goods shelf.  They call it "shopping" and enjoy being able to open the cupboards and look at all the items inside.  I like it because they are learning what all the foods are, where they come from and "pretend" to cook them on their kitchen table.  It is a great way for us to have conversations about different foods, what they look like, how we like to eat them all while they get to manipulate the cans and jars and produce.

This came about mostly because I was trying to think of something different to do during rainy days and it has become a fast favorite activity that keeps them entertained for about an hour.

   Last year they got this table as a Christmas present and I highly recommend it!  We got it when it was a Black Friday deal so it was a little cheaper than this listed price.  The kids LOVE it and what I love is that underneath the orange grill top is an empty table base for all the food and plates and silverware to go when they are done playing.

Fisher Price - Servin' Suprises Kitchen and Table

There is a really cool link on Pinterest of how to make a grocery storefront using PVC pipes.

So You Think You're Crafty - PVC Challenge

Isn't that awesome?  If the kids really decide this "shopping" thing will last, then I could look into doing this.  But right now our "pantry shopping" and pretend kitchen table seems to do the trick!

What real-life activities do you guys do?  Or what works for your kids on subsequent rainy days?  It really is amazing the stuff you can think of to do around the house to entertain little ones!

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Learning with Pumpkins

I bought a couple packs of the mini pumpkins and funny shaped gourds the other day.  I can't help it.  I love the colors of Fall and needed some decorations to spruce up the house.  I originally had them all in a big clear plastic bowl (so the bright yellows, oranges, greens would shine through) but when I left the room, something else happened. 

They turned into fantastic learning tools.

"Playing with pumpkins" has become a fast favorite activity in this house.

After dumping them out all over the floor, we can do so many things with them.

Line them up.

Count them.

Jump over them.

Sort them by color.

Sort them by shape.

Make shapes out of them.

Paint them.

Next stop for these painted pumpkins and gourds is gluing googly eyes and pom poms on them, for pumpkin "guys".

I love that I can leave these gourds and pumpkins out on the shelf for the kids to play with - making them functional as well as decorative!  I definitely feel like they are worth the money for a fun seasonal learning tool and decoration.
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The Giant Realization (and pictures from our family photo shoot)

*This was originally written at about 1 am Friday morning, so I apologize for the confused tenses and any grammatical errors.  I wanted to keep it as honest as possible, confusion and all.  I added my favorite pictures from our family photo shoot (when Matt was home) as a personal reminder of my love for my family and because I haven't posted them on here yet.*

I had a giant realization tonight.

But first let me tell you about my week. All week I have felt myself getting sick. That horrible scratchy feeling in the back of your throat.  The stuffed up nose that makes you sleep with your mouth open, further irritating your raw throat.  Monday, I bought vitamins. And Vitamin C suckers and tummies. And the essential oils to make vapor rub and those shower steam things.  Kids were angels, helpful and sweet. I thought 'Thank Goodness!"  Because I am not a nice sick person. I get cranky and irritable and just mad for no reason. 

Tuesday, I wake up feeling like death. Headache. Throat ache. Voice is gone. Can't breathe through my nose. I decide to rearrange the entire upstairs furniture in effort to clean everything. Lots of heavy lifting and pushing, sweating and coughing.   Kids are doing okay, helpful in their way, meaning they isolated their mess to the room I wasn't in.

Wednesday. I feel worse than ever. Realize I need to go to the store to get wood glue for the desk I broke the day before while trying to rearrange.  Also, I need to mail my husband a birthday box.  I get mad and sad that my husband won't be here for his birthday. That I won't be able to make him lasagna and confetti cake. That I am so sick I can barely talk and concentrate on tasks. Kids notice Mom's weaknesses and start to test how far they can push. 

And then today. 

Thursday. We got home super late from Gabe's baseball game Wednesday night and there was a big thunderstorm in the middle of the night - so no one got much sleep.  I survive on cough drops and cold medicine.  The bug bite Zander has on his knee has now mutated into a huge swollen mass of pus that is incredibly painful and infected.  Run errands all day and then Doctors office to find out Zander has MRSA (staph).  Next stop grocery store (for prescription) and I realize there is no way I have time to make dinner before going to Boy Scouts in less than two hours.  At this point the kids are done, they have stopped listening to me, stopped responding to my pleas for assistance and cooperation and have taken to running and jumping down the aisles as we grab a rotisserie chicken and a couple boxes of GF Mac and cheese.  Get to the self check out lane and Zander dumps the chicken on the floor trying to scan it on the machine.  After profusely apologizing to the woman that cleans the floor, I get the kids home as fast as possible. They scarf down what they can, we race out of the door again for Boy Scouts. There is fighting and bickering the whole meeting.  Calla finally loses it on the way home and screams for the entire 20 minute drive.  I throw everyone to bed before they can brush their teeth. 

Sigh. 

And then, I sit.  I sit and I think about everything I have coming up. Everything that I have to do in the next couple weeks. And I get incredibly overwhelmed to the point that I feel like I am drowning. So I take a minute and brainstorm.  I make a list of every necessary task that needs to be done before the end of September and my list is 25 things long. 

25 things I have to do, on top of all the normal daily life things, in the next week and a half.  Granted it doesn't sound like a lot, a couple things a day, but when I am already feeling overwhelmed with regular daily tasks adding two or three more things seems insurmountable.

And then I hit my realization. The sky opened up and I accept the truth. 

I can't do it all. 

I can't do it all. 

That sounds horrible to say. I hate it. I hate saying "can't". I hate saying that I am not capable. I tell myself all the time, "You can do this. You can make it. This is nothing."  But I can't. I can't do it all. 

I can't make Gabe's lunch every day. I can't fold clothes as soon as they are dried and put them away after. I can't wash every pan as soon as I am done using it. I can't make a fabulous home cooked meal every night of the week. I can't keep up with my family's love of granola bars, muffins, bread, granola to make them from scratch. I can't cut the grass once a week.  I can't keep up with all the blog entries running through my head all the time.  I can't.

I have to give some of it up and let go. 

These 25 things are really important, so I have to loosen up and let some things slide out of my control.

I don't want to and I don't like it. I feel like a failure and like I let my kids down. 

But I know I am not.  

And it's hard. It's hard accepting your faults and your limitations.  It makes me uncomfortable.  I think "If I just stayed up a little later..."  "If I just planned a little better..."  "If I just cared more..."  

But I know the truth. I can't do it all.  

In accepting my limitations and my faults and all that I can't do, I am hoping I do what I CAN better.

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The Last Three Weeks aka What Happens When My Husband Comes Home

I can't believe it is already September!  We have been up to so much in the past three weeks, it has all been a blur.  I apologize for not keeping this up to date!  Let me quickly catch you up.

We made a chocolate chip countdown until Daddy came home.

We canned bread and butter pickles and spicy jalapeno pickles.

We took Gabe to Fall Ball (coach pitch) baseball evaluations.

We picked raspberries, made jam and froze the extras.

We picked up Daddy from the airport!

We flew to Walt Disney World.

We stayed six days at the Wilderness Lodge.

We flew home.

We got family pictures taken.

We went to Gabe's open house and met his new teacher.

We went to the first Boy Scout meeting of the year.

The week coming up will be just as overwhelming.

I will be canning tomatoes Monday or Tuesday.
Gabe starts school on Tuesday.
Matt is taking three exams for college classes on two different days.
Matt leaves on Friday (sad face).
Gabe's first baseball game is Saturday.

I am exhausted already!

I have so much I want to share with canning recipes, dinner recipes and our Disney experience.  Unfortunately, I just don't have the time or inclination to type that all out right now.

I am enjoying the calm before the storm.
Enjoying the last few days and nights I have with my family being whole before Matt has to leave again.

I will definitely try to update this more regularly once things return to their routine.  Until then, my blogging with remain on hiatus.

Thanks for your patience and understanding!

Calla and her Daddy

Written around 3am last night -

I know you see Calla's pictures and think, "What an angel."  But let me tell you she can quickly turn into a screaming rage monster if she doesn't get her way.

She often wakes up in the middle of the night for a drink of milk, which is... fine.  I am not a fan but I would rather go back to sleep than fight her every night so I give in.  A little.  Tonight, I didn't give her how much she thought she needed.  

So she screamed.  And screamed.  "More drink.  More drink."  

And then a lot of ear piercing high pitched screaming that makes me wonder how I haven't gone deaf yet.

After about an hour of me telling her that I wasn't getting her more, to lay down and go back to sleep, I was about to cave when... My phone vibrated with a message from Matt.

taken in Michigan in September of last year

Calla is a Daddy's girl.  And as hard as Daddy fights, he just gets wrapped tighter around her little fingers.  So when Matt heard she had been screaming, he offered to get on Skype and soothe the savage beast.

The moment she saw his face - instant silence - and then "Dada!" 

Texas - May 2012

Then there was a lot of giggling as she pointed at the screen (I won't say who did the giggling), a lot of kisses blown to each other.  Calla "told" on me that I wouldn't get her more milk and she listened as Matt told her it was bedtime and to lay and snuggle Mommy.  Kisses were blown again and "Wuv you Dada.  Ni-ni."

And Calla went right to sleep after the call ended.

Michigan - March 2013

They have always been close.  And will always be close.  And I am thankful for that connection they have together.  Thankful that my baby girl has a Daddy she will always be able to count on, to rely on and to trust in.  Just like I have with my Dad.

taken in Michigan in September of last year

And God bless the inventor of Skype.

An experiment with photography

I decided to try an experiment and set up my camera in my bedroom (ignore the mess and humidifier in the corner).  I set it to self timer and continuous shooting so it gave me enough time to run back to the bed and take continuous shots.  I was hoping I would get a couple good ones of all of us for Matt and instead I struck a gold mine.

Below are the different rounds of continuous shots.  I LOVE this.  I love how each round captured their personalities.  How happy they are.  How goofy they are.  The sound of the shutter and the light flashing made Calla and Zander laugh so hard, so that's why they are all laughing.  Scroll and enjoy.  But be careful, their smiles are contagious. 

 Round one (silly faces) -

Round two -

Round three (discovering they could get up and move around) - 

Round four (but this time with props) -

Round five (the final one, I promise) - 

It was a lot of fun and I can definitely see us doing this set up again.  If you have the kind of camera that you can set to timer continuous shooting, you should do it.  I bet you will be surprised with the results.  I got a lot of great shots that I wouldn't have necessarily be able to get if I had been behind the camera.

*Lego Party details are coming, I promise, I was temporarily distracted but will post pictures and links as soon as I get a chance.

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