The Giant Realization (and pictures from our family photo shoot)

*This was originally written at about 1 am Friday morning, so I apologize for the confused tenses and any grammatical errors.  I wanted to keep it as honest as possible, confusion and all.  I added my favorite pictures from our family photo shoot (when Matt was home) as a personal reminder of my love for my family and because I haven't posted them on here yet.*

I had a giant realization tonight.

But first let me tell you about my week. All week I have felt myself getting sick. That horrible scratchy feeling in the back of your throat.  The stuffed up nose that makes you sleep with your mouth open, further irritating your raw throat.  Monday, I bought vitamins. And Vitamin C suckers and tummies. And the essential oils to make vapor rub and those shower steam things.  Kids were angels, helpful and sweet. I thought 'Thank Goodness!"  Because I am not a nice sick person. I get cranky and irritable and just mad for no reason. 

Tuesday, I wake up feeling like death. Headache. Throat ache. Voice is gone. Can't breathe through my nose. I decide to rearrange the entire upstairs furniture in effort to clean everything. Lots of heavy lifting and pushing, sweating and coughing.   Kids are doing okay, helpful in their way, meaning they isolated their mess to the room I wasn't in.

Wednesday. I feel worse than ever. Realize I need to go to the store to get wood glue for the desk I broke the day before while trying to rearrange.  Also, I need to mail my husband a birthday box.  I get mad and sad that my husband won't be here for his birthday. That I won't be able to make him lasagna and confetti cake. That I am so sick I can barely talk and concentrate on tasks. Kids notice Mom's weaknesses and start to test how far they can push. 

And then today. 

Thursday. We got home super late from Gabe's baseball game Wednesday night and there was a big thunderstorm in the middle of the night - so no one got much sleep.  I survive on cough drops and cold medicine.  The bug bite Zander has on his knee has now mutated into a huge swollen mass of pus that is incredibly painful and infected.  Run errands all day and then Doctors office to find out Zander has MRSA (staph).  Next stop grocery store (for prescription) and I realize there is no way I have time to make dinner before going to Boy Scouts in less than two hours.  At this point the kids are done, they have stopped listening to me, stopped responding to my pleas for assistance and cooperation and have taken to running and jumping down the aisles as we grab a rotisserie chicken and a couple boxes of GF Mac and cheese.  Get to the self check out lane and Zander dumps the chicken on the floor trying to scan it on the machine.  After profusely apologizing to the woman that cleans the floor, I get the kids home as fast as possible. They scarf down what they can, we race out of the door again for Boy Scouts. There is fighting and bickering the whole meeting.  Calla finally loses it on the way home and screams for the entire 20 minute drive.  I throw everyone to bed before they can brush their teeth. 

Sigh. 

And then, I sit.  I sit and I think about everything I have coming up. Everything that I have to do in the next couple weeks. And I get incredibly overwhelmed to the point that I feel like I am drowning. So I take a minute and brainstorm.  I make a list of every necessary task that needs to be done before the end of September and my list is 25 things long. 

25 things I have to do, on top of all the normal daily life things, in the next week and a half.  Granted it doesn't sound like a lot, a couple things a day, but when I am already feeling overwhelmed with regular daily tasks adding two or three more things seems insurmountable.

And then I hit my realization. The sky opened up and I accept the truth. 

I can't do it all. 

I can't do it all. 

That sounds horrible to say. I hate it. I hate saying "can't". I hate saying that I am not capable. I tell myself all the time, "You can do this. You can make it. This is nothing."  But I can't. I can't do it all. 

I can't make Gabe's lunch every day. I can't fold clothes as soon as they are dried and put them away after. I can't wash every pan as soon as I am done using it. I can't make a fabulous home cooked meal every night of the week. I can't keep up with my family's love of granola bars, muffins, bread, granola to make them from scratch. I can't cut the grass once a week.  I can't keep up with all the blog entries running through my head all the time.  I can't.

I have to give some of it up and let go. 

These 25 things are really important, so I have to loosen up and let some things slide out of my control.

I don't want to and I don't like it. I feel like a failure and like I let my kids down. 

But I know I am not.  

And it's hard. It's hard accepting your faults and your limitations.  It makes me uncomfortable.  I think "If I just stayed up a little later..."  "If I just planned a little better..."  "If I just cared more..."  

But I know the truth. I can't do it all.  

In accepting my limitations and my faults and all that I can't do, I am hoping I do what I CAN better.

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Gabe's school pictures

So after much deliberation, I decided that to take Gabe's picture for his second grade year myself.  We have a ton of family and way too many people we want to buy pictures for, so instead of buying the school pictures I took them myself in our backyard.  I think they turned out pretty good.  I am a little mad (actually really steaming mad) at my Photoshop Elements for not working right now for me to edit them, but I think they still look good.  Of course there are always touch ups I could do if I had my editting program working, but for the most part I like them.

Anyway, I can't decide what one I like the best.  So I need your help!  Please vote at the bottom of the poll which picture you think looks the best, so I can order them in the various sizes to mail off to relatives.  The poll will be open until Friday (because I really need to order these) and you can only vote once!  Good luck making your decision!  

Picture One

Picture Two 

Picture Three

Picture Four

Picture Five

*Side note - I am looking at getting into the Photography business, so if anyone out there (relatively in my area) is interested in family pictures or anything else, let me know!  I would love to branch out to other families than my own!

Long Exposure Sparklers

I know it is past the Fourth of July, but I wanted to post my sparkler pictures.  I am so proud of how well they turned out!  This is the first year I tried to capture them and I am definitely going all out next year to get a better staged picture.

  

Here is a really great video if you want to try it at home!  I am definitely going to take some of his pointers to heart so we can get even better pictures next year!

Hello Blog Reader

Hey there.  Sorry about the hiatus.  There have been lots of new developments in the Brong family in the last couple weeks.  And I plan to blog about it.  Hopefully I will have time in the next couple days.

Look forward to posts about

Using soap nuts in place of laundry detergent

Making homemade yogurt (by the half and full gallon)

Brewing fruit flavored lemonade tea

My experiment with going gluten-free for a month (and favorite recipes)

 and running and getting myself physically fit

But until I have a moment (and by a moment I mean, like an hour to myself) I will leave you with these pictures of the kids running in the yard and me messing around with the lens and focus.  They are different, but I like them (the pictures and the kids).

Garden update

Just a small update from our garden...  

We added green beans, lemon seeds, the tray of cucumber plants and lettuce to our garden after a killer frost wiped out a lot of our seedlings.

Everything is looking green and we are getting anxious for everything to start bearing veggies!

Here is the blog post about making a container garden.

Lettuce

Cucumber

Cucumber

Green beans

Carrots

Lemon seeds (natural mosquito repellent)

Tomato

Squash

I am working on a post about why I have chosen to go gluten free for thirty days, so bear with me while I finish the novel-worthy entry.  Otherwise, everyone enjoy their Independence Day!  We will be having fun at our cottage and visiting family throughout the weekend.  There will be lots of pictures and I am sure a few stories to share!